diff --git a/Cargo.lock b/Cargo.lock
index 70d09219..638b0c43 100644
--- a/Cargo.lock
+++ b/Cargo.lock
@@ -1596,12 +1596,6 @@ dependencies = [
  "crunchy",
 ]
 
-[[package]]
-name = "hardened_malloc-rs"
-version = "0.1.2+12"
-source = "registry+https://github.com/rust-lang/crates.io-index"
-checksum = "647deb1583b14d160f85f3ff626f20b6edd366e3852c9843b06077388f794cb6"
-
 [[package]]
 name = "hashbrown"
 version = "0.15.5"
@@ -4907,7 +4901,6 @@ dependencies = [
  "clap",
  "const-str",
  "ctor",
- "hardened_malloc-rs",
  "log",
  "opentelemetry",
  "opentelemetry_sdk",
@@ -5006,7 +4999,6 @@ dependencies = [
  "either",
  "figment",
  "futures",
- "hardened_malloc-rs",
  "http",
  "http-body-util",
  "insta",
diff --git a/Cargo.toml b/Cargo.toml
index 99522fa6..849076fa 100644
--- a/Cargo.toml
+++ b/Cargo.toml
@@ -163,15 +163,6 @@ version = "0.3"
 default-features = false
 features = ["std", "async-await"]
 
-[workspace.dependencies.hardened_malloc-rs]
-version = "0.1.2"
-default-features = false
-features = [
-	"static",
-	"gcc",
-	"light",
-]
-
 [workspace.dependencies.hickory-resolver]
 version = "0.25"
 default-features = false
diff --git a/docker/bake.hcl b/docker/bake.hcl
index 80c8afb7..a547a6d1 100644
--- a/docker/bake.hcl
+++ b/docker/bake.hcl
@@ -32,9 +32,9 @@ cargo_feat_sets = {
     # Default features
     default = "brotli_compression,element_hacks,gzip_compression,io_uring,jemalloc,jemalloc_conf,media_thumbnail,release_max_log_level,systemd,url_preview,zstd_compression"
     # All features sans release_max_log_level
-    logging = "blurhashing,brotli_compression,bzip2_compression,console,direct_tls,element_hacks,gzip_compression,hardened_malloc,io_uring,jemalloc,jemalloc_conf,jemalloc_prof,jemalloc_stats,ldap,lz4_compression,media_thumbnail,perf_measurements,sentry_telemetry,systemd,tokio_console,tuwunel_mods,url_preview,zstd_compression"
+    logging = "blurhashing,brotli_compression,bzip2_compression,console,direct_tls,element_hacks,gzip_compression,io_uring,jemalloc,jemalloc_conf,jemalloc_prof,jemalloc_stats,ldap,lz4_compression,media_thumbnail,perf_measurements,sentry_telemetry,systemd,tokio_console,tuwunel_mods,url_preview,zstd_compression"
     # All features
-    all = "blurhashing,brotli_compression,bzip2_compression,console,direct_tls,element_hacks,gzip_compression,hardened_malloc,io_uring,jemalloc,jemalloc_conf,jemalloc_prof,jemalloc_stats,ldap,lz4_compression,media_thumbnail,perf_measurements,release_max_log_level,sentry_telemetry,systemd,tokio_console,tuwunel_mods,url_preview,zstd_compression"
+    all = "blurhashing,brotli_compression,bzip2_compression,console,direct_tls,element_hacks,gzip_compression,io_uring,jemalloc,jemalloc_conf,jemalloc_prof,jemalloc_stats,ldap,lz4_compression,media_thumbnail,perf_measurements,release_max_log_level,sentry_telemetry,systemd,tokio_console,tuwunel_mods,url_preview,zstd_compression"
 }
 variable "cargo_features_always" {
     default = "direct_tls"
@@ -1637,7 +1637,6 @@ target "kitchen" {
     args = {
         packages = join(" ", [
             contains(split(",", cargo_feat_sets[feat_set]), "bzip2_compression")? "libbz2-dev": "",
-            contains(split(",", cargo_feat_sets[feat_set]), "hardened_malloc")? "g++": "",
             contains(split(",", cargo_feat_sets[feat_set]), "io_uring")? "liburing-dev": "",
             contains(split(",", cargo_feat_sets[feat_set]), "jemalloc")? "libjemalloc-dev": "",
             contains(split(",", cargo_feat_sets[feat_set]), "lz4_compression")? "liblz4-dev": "",
diff --git a/flake.nix b/flake.nix
index 857dabb0..0a3e954b 100644
--- a/flake.nix
+++ b/flake.nix
@@ -204,8 +204,6 @@
                 # be expected on non-debug builds.
                 "jemalloc_prof"
                 "jemalloc_stats"
-                # this is non-functional on nix for some reason
-                "hardened_malloc"
                 # tuwunel_mods is a development-only hot reload feature
                 "tuwunel_mods"
             ];
@@ -218,8 +216,6 @@
                 # dont include experimental features
                 "experimental"
                 # this is non-functional on nix for some reason
-                "hardened_malloc"
-                # tuwunel_mods is a development-only hot reload feature
                 "tuwunel_mods"
             ];
         };
@@ -231,8 +227,6 @@
                 # dont include experimental features
                 "experimental"
                 # this is non-functional on nix for some reason
-                "hardened_malloc"
-                # tuwunel_mods is a development-only hot reload feature
                 "tuwunel_mods"
             ];
         };
@@ -246,8 +240,6 @@
                 "jemalloc_prof"
                 "jemalloc_stats"
                 # this is non-functional on nix for some reason
-                "hardened_malloc"
-                # tuwunel_mods is a development-only hot reload feature
                 "tuwunel_mods"
             ];
         };
@@ -260,12 +252,9 @@
                 # dont include experimental features
                 "experimental"
                 # this is non-functional on nix for some reason
-                "hardened_malloc"
-                # tuwunel_mods is a development-only hot reload feature
                 "tuwunel_mods"
             ];
         };
-        hmalloc = scopeHost.main.override { features = ["hardened_malloc"]; };
 
         oci-image = scopeHost.oci-image;
         oci-image-all-features = scopeHost.oci-image.override {
@@ -278,8 +267,6 @@
                 # be expected on non-debug builds.
                 "jemalloc_prof"
                 "jemalloc_stats"
-                # this is non-functional on nix for some reason
-                "hardened_malloc"
                 # tuwunel_mods is a development-only hot reload feature
                 "tuwunel_mods"
             ];
@@ -294,18 +281,11 @@
             disable_features = [
                 # dont include experimental features
                 "experimental"
-                # this is non-functional on nix for some reason
-                "hardened_malloc"
                 # tuwunel_mods is a development-only hot reload feature
                 "tuwunel_mods"
             ];
           };
         };
-        oci-image-hmalloc = scopeHost.oci-image.override {
-          main = scopeHost.main.override {
-            features = ["hardened_malloc"];
-          };
-        };
 
         book = scopeHost.book;
 
@@ -359,8 +339,6 @@
                     disable_features = [
                         # dont include experimental features
                         "experimental"
-                        # this is non-functional on nix for some reason
-                        "hardened_malloc"
                         # tuwunel_mods is a development-only hot reload feature
                         "tuwunel_mods"
                     ];
@@ -379,8 +357,6 @@
                         # be expected on non-debug builds.
                         "jemalloc_prof"
                         "jemalloc_stats"
-                        # this is non-functional on nix for some reason
-                        "hardened_malloc"
                         # tuwunel_mods is a development-only hot reload feature
                         "tuwunel_mods"
                     ];
@@ -400,8 +376,6 @@
                         # be expected on non-debug builds.
                         "jemalloc_prof"
                         "jemalloc_stats"
-                        # this is non-functional on nix for some reason
-                        "hardened_malloc"
                         # tuwunel_mods is a development-only hot reload feature
                         "tuwunel_mods"
                     ];
@@ -420,22 +394,12 @@
                     disable_features = [
                         # dont include experimental features
                         "experimental"
-                        # this is non-functional on nix for some reason
-                        "hardened_malloc"
                         # tuwunel_mods is a development-only hot reload feature
                         "tuwunel_mods"
                     ];
                   };
                 }
 
-                # An output for a statically-linked binary with hardened_malloc
-                {
-                  name = "${binaryName}-hmalloc";
-                  value = scopeCrossStatic.main.override {
-                    features = ["hardened_malloc"];
-                  };
-                }
-
                 # An output for an OCI image based on that binary
                 {
                   name = "oci-image-${crossSystem}";
@@ -478,8 +442,6 @@
                         # be expected on non-debug builds.
                         "jemalloc_prof"
                         "jemalloc_stats"
-                        # this is non-functional on nix for some reason
-                        "hardened_malloc"
                         # tuwunel_mods is a development-only hot reload feature
                         "tuwunel_mods"
                       ];
@@ -501,8 +463,6 @@
                         # be expected on non-debug builds.
                         "jemalloc_prof"
                         "jemalloc_stats"
-                        # this is non-functional on nix for some reason
-                        "hardened_malloc"
                         # tuwunel_mods is a development-only hot reload feature
                         "tuwunel_mods"
                       ];
@@ -523,8 +483,6 @@
                       disable_features = [
                         # dont include experimental features
                         "experimental"
-                        # this is non-functional on nix for some reason
-                        "hardened_malloc"
                         # tuwunel_mods is a development-only hot reload feature
                         "tuwunel_mods"
                       ];
@@ -532,16 +490,6 @@
                   };
                 }
 
-                # An output for an OCI image based on that binary with hardened_malloc
-                {
-                  name = "oci-image-${crossSystem}-hmalloc";
-                  value = scopeCrossStatic.oci-image.override {
-                    main = scopeCrossStatic.main.override {
-                      features = ["hardened_malloc"];
-                    };
-                  };
-                }
-
                 # An output for a complement OCI image for the specified platform
                 {
                   name = "complement-${crossSystem}";
@@ -571,8 +519,6 @@
                 # be expected on non-debug builds.
                 "jemalloc_prof"
                 "jemalloc_stats"
-                # this is non-functional on nix for some reason
-                "hardened_malloc"
                 # tuwunel_mods is a development-only hot reload feature
                 "tuwunel_mods"
             ];
diff --git a/nix/pkgs/main/default.nix b/nix/pkgs/main/default.nix
index efeba0d5..651c525a 100644
--- a/nix/pkgs/main/default.nix
+++ b/nix/pkgs/main/default.nix
@@ -23,8 +23,6 @@
   # be expected on non-debug builds.
   "jemalloc_prof"
   "jemalloc_stats"
-  # this is non-functional on nix for some reason
-  "hardened_malloc"
   # tuwunel_mods is a development-only hot reload feature
   "tuwunel_mods"
 ]
diff --git a/src/core/Cargo.toml b/src/core/Cargo.toml
index 72e545fc..5f563fef 100644
--- a/src/core/Cargo.toml
+++ b/src/core/Cargo.toml
@@ -26,9 +26,6 @@ tuwunel_mods = [
 gzip_compression = [
 	"reqwest/gzip",
 ]
-hardened_malloc = [
-	"dep:hardened_malloc-rs"
-]
 jemalloc = [
 	"dep:tikv-jemalloc-sys",
 	"dep:tikv-jemalloc-ctl",
@@ -114,10 +111,6 @@ url.workspace = true
 [target.'cfg(unix)'.dependencies]
 nix.workspace = true
 
-[target.'cfg(all(not(target_env = "msvc"), target_os = "linux"))'.dependencies]
-hardened_malloc-rs.workspace = true
-hardened_malloc-rs.optional = true
-
 [dev-dependencies]
 insta.workspace = true
 maplit.workspace = true
diff --git a/src/core/alloc/hardened.rs b/src/core/alloc/hardened.rs
deleted file mode 100644
index 5f850673..00000000
--- a/src/core/alloc/hardened.rs
+++ /dev/null
@@ -1,15 +0,0 @@
-//! hmalloc allocator
-
-#[global_allocator]
-static HMALLOC: hardened_malloc_rs::HardenedMalloc = hardened_malloc_rs::HardenedMalloc;
-
-pub fn trim<I: Into<Option<usize>>>(_: I) -> crate::Result { Ok(()) }
-
-#[must_use]
-//TODO: get usage
-pub fn memory_usage() -> Option<String> { None }
-
-#[must_use]
-pub fn memory_stats(_opts: &str) -> Option<String> {
-	Some("Extended statistics are not available from hardened_malloc.".to_owned())
-}
diff --git a/src/core/alloc/mod.rs b/src/core/alloc/mod.rs
index 4af6ddb0..ae8bdc98 100644
--- a/src/core/alloc/mod.rs
+++ b/src/core/alloc/mod.rs
@@ -6,26 +6,7 @@ pub mod je;
 #[cfg(all(not(target_env = "msvc"), feature = "jemalloc"))]
 pub use je::{memory_stats, memory_usage, trim};
 
-#[cfg(all(
-	not(target_env = "msvc"),
-	feature = "hardened_malloc",
-	not(feature = "jemalloc")
-))]
-pub mod hardened;
-#[cfg(all(
-	not(target_env = "msvc"),
-	feature = "hardened_malloc",
-	not(feature = "jemalloc")
-))]
-pub use hardened::{memory_stats, memory_usage, trim};
-
-#[cfg(any(
-	target_env = "msvc",
-	all(not(feature = "hardened_malloc"), not(feature = "jemalloc"))
-))]
+#[cfg(any(target_env = "msvc", not(feature = "jemalloc")))]
 pub mod default;
-#[cfg(any(
-	target_env = "msvc",
-	all(not(feature = "hardened_malloc"), not(feature = "jemalloc"))
-))]
+#[cfg(any(target_env = "msvc", not(feature = "jemalloc")))]
 pub use default::{memory_stats, memory_usage, trim};
diff --git a/src/main/Cargo.toml b/src/main/Cargo.toml
index 3c3f7084..ca884ed0 100644
--- a/src/main/Cargo.toml
+++ b/src/main/Cargo.toml
@@ -100,9 +100,6 @@ gzip_compression = [
 	"tuwunel-router/gzip_compression",
 	"tuwunel-service/gzip_compression",
 ]
-hardened_malloc = [
-	"tuwunel-core/hardened_malloc",
-]
 io_uring = [
 	"tuwunel-admin/io_uring",
 	"tuwunel-api/io_uring",
@@ -236,10 +233,6 @@ tracing-opentelemetry.workspace = true
 tracing-subscriber.workspace = true
 tracing.workspace = true
 
-[target.'cfg(all(not(target_env = "msvc"), target_os = "linux"))'.dependencies]
-hardened_malloc-rs.workspace = true
-hardened_malloc-rs.optional = true
-
 [lints]
 workspace = true